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A letter to George Clooney from an Arab guy
Amer Zahr
by Amer Zahr
April 29th, 2014 (208 Comments)
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Arabic translation below...
ترجمة باالغة العربية بعد النص بالانجليزي

Dear George,

Congratulations. Mabrook.

You’re marrying Amal Alamuddin, an international award-winning barrister (for us Americans, “barrister” means lawyer, but I wrote “barrister” because it just sounds so much cooler). And on top of that, she is one of us. You hit the jackpot.

CNN has called her “discreet.” It looks like you found the only Arab woman who wouldn’t blab to the whole world that she is dating George Clooney. Lucky you.

I do have some words of advice for you, from one Arab guy to another soon-to-be Arab guy. Yes, you are not currently an Arab, but you will become one soon enough. See, when one of our women marries a white guy, she doesn’t become whiter. He becomes more like us. Wikipedia says your “ancestry includes Irish, German, English, and more distant Scottish and Dutch roots.” And you were born in Kentucky. As far as I can tell, that means you’re “really white.” Strap yourself in for the ride.

I have been known to get a little upset when Arab girls marry non-Arabs. But most of the time, they turn those non-Arab guys into Arabs. And when that happens, I’m all for it. Our culture is strong. It is contagious. And though you are George Clooney, you will not be immune to this phenomenon.

Oh, and by the way, there are tens of thousands of Arabs named “George.” My dad is one of them. And it’s not Arabized or anything. It’s just “George.” We just say the “g” a little differently, like it sounds in “beige.” So we will be able to say your name just fine. And you won’t be the first couple to be named “George & Amal” either. So you’ll fit right in.

Ok, so let’s talk about a few things.

Get ready to go to Lebanon and explore. We Arabs are extra proud of where we come from. And Lebanese Arabs are extra special super-duper over-the-top proud of where they come from. Lebanon is a beautiful country and you will have a great time. But movies come to the Middle East a little late, so don’t be surprised if some Arabs tell you, “Hey, I loved you in Ocean’s Eleven.” They might not even know about Ocean’s Twelve or Ocean’s Thirteen yet. Try not to ruin it for them. Also, while parts of Beirut are more beautiful than any other place in the world, don’t be alarmed if most of it looks like it was bombed yesterday. This is normal in our part of the world.

Also, you are marrying an international lawyer who has represented kings and advised secretary-generals. We Arabs are political animals, and I imagine Amal is no exception. You will be learning much about the ins and outs of Arab history and politics over the last century. If you haven’t yet, you will probably be receiving some lectures on Palestine. Sit back and listen. You will learn a lot. And it will all be true. You’ve been in Hollywood for a long time, so much of it may come as a shock at first. This is normal. But you’re not just marrying any Arab girl. You’re marrying the Arab girl who is an expert in international law. And there’s nothing we Arabs love more than talking about international law and how it has been betraying us since… well, since forever. And there might be some anger directed at America. But remember, we don’t hate Americans. We just hate America.

Oh, and we have to talk about the wedding. You may have hoped for a small, tactful affair. I wouldn’t be too optimistic. Arab parents like to brag when their daughter marries someone really accomplished like a doctor, a lawyer, or an owner of three or more gas stations. But this Arab daughter is marrying freakin’ George Clooney! She’s marrying Up in the Air! She’s marrying Gravity! She’s marrying Batman! (Yes, I know Batman wasn’t your proudest moment, but you know what I mean.)

At the wedding, the size of your family will immediately grow a hundred times over. You will become a cousin to more individuals than you ever dreamt was possible. You will hold hands with men and dance in circles. You will need to learn the “change the light bulb” and “windshield wiper” moves. I have a video that might help.

Our weddings can create a sort of sensory overload. I would go to a few to observe the spectacle firsthand before your big day. It could be quite traumatic if the first Arab wedding you attend is your own. Yours might make “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” look like a private ceremony.

Incidentally, now that you will have an Arab wife who advocates for Arab rights, if you were ever going to run for political office in America, you definitely cannot now. Unless, of course, you move to Dearborn, Michigan, where you will be swiftly elected mayor with 99.9% of the vote, Saddam-style.

Finally, George, you have inspired me. If you can snag an accomplished, intelligent, beautiful, worldly, multilingual Arab genius professional, then maybe I can too.

So, welcome to the family. You’re going to have more fun than you ever imagined.

Sincerely,
Amer


رسالة من شاب عربي الى جورج كلوني

عزيزي جورج،مبروك!

ستتزوج امل علم الدين، المحامية الدولية الشهيرة. واكثر من هيك، هي منا وفينا. اخدت الجائزة الكبرى.

سي ان ان حكت انها “متكتمة.” شكلك لقيت الصبية العربية الوحيدة الي ما بتخرف العالم انها مع جورج كلوني. حظك حلو!

عندي شوية نصيحة لالك، من رجل عربي الى رجل عربي آخر، بما انو على القريب. صحيح، انت حاليا مش عربي، ولكن ستصبح عربيا بعد قليل. لما واحدة من نسائنا بتتجوز واحد ابيض، هي ما بتتحول على البيض. هو بيتحول علينا. وكيبيديا بحكي عنك “من اصل ارلاندي، الماني، وانجليزي، مع شوية جذور سكتلندية وهولندية.” واكتر من هيك، خلقت في ولاية كنتكي. يعني، انت ابيض ابيض. حضر حالك.

انا معروف اني بزعل شوي لما العربيات بيتجوزوا اجانب. بس عادة بحولوهم عرب ولما هيك بصير، انا مع الفكرة. ثقافتنا قوية ومعدية. وبرغم انك جورج كلوني، مش راح تكون معفى من هذه الواقعة.

وعلى فكرة، في عشرات من الالاف من العرب الي اسمهم جورج. ابوي منهم. والاسم مش معرب هالقدة. هو جورج بس. بس منلفظ ال “ج” بطريقة تانية، متل ال “ج” في كلمة “beige” بالانجليزي. فنقدر نحكي اسمك بدون اي مشكلة. ومش راح تكونوا اول عرسان الي اساميهم “جورج وامل” كمان. فبتندمج بكل سهولة

طيب، خلينا نحكى على كم من شغلة.

جهز حالك تزور لبنان وتكتشف. احنا العرب فخورين جدا بجذورنا. واللبنانية بذات فخورين بجذورهم اكتر وزيادة شوي عن اللزوم. لبنان بلد جميلة وراح تنبسط فيها كتير. بس الافلام مرات بتيجي على العالم العربي متأخرة شوي، فما تستغربش اذا واحد عربي بقللك: “حبيتك كتير في Ocean’s Eleven.” يمكن ما عندوش خبر اصلا انو طلعت “Ocean’s Twelve” و “Ocean’s Thirteen.” وبما انو في مناطق في بيروت احلى من اي مكان في العالم، ما تفاجئ اذا معظمها مبينة كانها تقصفت امبارح. هدا عادي عندنا.

وانت كمان راح تتجوز محامية دولية مثلت ملوك ونصحت امناء العام. احنا العرب منحب السياسة وبتوقع انو امل نفس الشي. راح تتعلم كتير عن تاريخ وسياسة العرب خلال اخر مية سنة. راح تسمع محاضرات عن فلسطين. ارتاح واسمع. راح تتعلم اشياء كتيرة وكلها راح تكون صحيحة. انت صلك زمان في هوليوود فيمكن بالاول تكون مفاجئة عليك وهدا اشي طبيعي. بس انت مش عم تتجوز اي واحدة عربية، لا، عم تتجوز خبيرة في القانون الدولي. و فش موضوع منحب نحكي عنو اكتر من القانون الدولي وقد ما هو صلو عم بخوننا من… من… من بداية الحضارة الانسانية. ويمكن تشوف شوية غضب ضد اميركا. بس تذكر، منكرهش الاميركان، منكره اميركا بس.

ولازم نحكي عن العرس. يمكن كنت تتمنى لحفلة صغيرة وبسيطة ولبقة. انا محلك بكونش متفائل. الاهالي العربية بتكيفوا لما بنتهم بتتجوز واحد ناجح مثل دكتور او محامي او واحد مالك اكتر من تلت محطات بنزين. بس هاي البنت راح تتجوز البطل جورج كلوني! راح تتجوز “Up In The Air” ، راح تتجوز “Gravity” ، راح تتجوز “Batman” ! (بعرف انو “Batman” ما كان احسن فلم لالك بس عارف قصدي.)

بالعرس عيلتك راح تكبر مية مرة. راح تصير ابن عم لعدة اشخاص اكتر من ما حلمت يمكن يكون معقول. راح تمسك يدين رجال وتلف وترقص بدواوير. لازم تتعلم حركات “تغيير اللمبة” و “مساحات السيارة.” عندي فيديو بساعدك بالموضوع.

اعراسنا ويمكن يكونوا شوي تقال على الاعصاب فبنصحك تروح على عرس او عرسين قبل عرسك عشان تشوف الفوضة بعينك. من الممكن انو تكون صدمة كبيرة عليك اذا اول عرس عربي حضرتو يكون عرسك انت. عرسك يمكن بخلي “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” تشبه مناسبة خاصة.

وعلى فكرة، لانك راح تتجوز عربية بتدافع عن حقوق العرب، اذا كنت مفكر تكون مرشح لاي درجة سياسية في اميركا، انسى الموضوع، الا اذا طبعا نقلت على مدينة ديربورن في ولاية ميشغان. هناك بتنتخب ب 99.9% من الاصوات بطريقة صدامية.

اخيرا يا جورج، الهمتني. اذا قدرت تكسب صبية عربية ناجحة وذكية ورشيقة ودولية ومميلة وبتتكلم عدة لغات… ليش مش انا كمان؟

فاهلا وسهلا فيك بالعيلة. راح تتكيف اكتر من ما كنت تتخيل.

تحياتي
عامر زهر

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* Amer Zahr is a Palestinian American comedian, writer, professor and speaker living in Dearborn, Michigan. He is also the editor of "The Civil Arab."

Comments (208)
  1. Love love love this.

  2. Halina Minadeo ... April 29th, 2014 - 01:02

    Amer, you should be invited to the wedding and show them the “windshield wiper” and “change the light bulb” moves, you are the classic master and I love this article so much, I am still smiling and chuckling. Shukran!

    • Nabil Alamriki ... April 29th, 2014 - 01:27

      Let’s not forget the “Eb3d 3ani” and “Ta3al hon” dance. That’s a super popular one in our culture.

  3. Great Article Amer, I have watched the infamous “change the light bulb” and other moves live in Ramallah. you definitely have to be invited. keep those funny articles coming :D

  4. Two thumbs up for this great, hilarious, and very detailed description article. You really made my day, Amer!

  5. Great and very well prepared Article Amer, I like every word on it and I transfer it to most of my friends .Congratulations Amer

  6. Don,t forget to put in the marriage contract the Singer sewing machine ,,, if something wrong happened after marriage .

  7. Amer, you are the best ARAB :)
    .. I can’t stop laughing.
    Thank you, and yes you should be invited to the wedding.

  8. Funny Article…. George has to learn the “right foot in the air,left arm in the air” lebanese man dance where burning calories does not exceed a 0.05 % of the daily intake. :)

  9. George famously said he would never marry. I want to know how she’s done it?! What is it that Arab women have that enable them to get their men completely bewitched? I want some of that!!!!

  10. Amer, I enjoyed your column. Would like to have you in our show!

    Jordan Elgrably creator/producer
    Sultans of Satire, Los Angeles

  11. I just read this to the whole office, who are 99.9% white, we are laughing so hard we are crying. I loved every bit of it. George does have that soft spot for international laws as well as standing up for Human Rights.

    As for him inspiring you, nah. Your the whole package, your Palestinian nuff said!

  12. Brilliant … You cracked me up, especially the part about Dearborn! I’m still laughing out loud

  13. At least 20 people I know have shared this on Facebook. It’s going viral! Excellent letter, Amer.

  14. emily rahal ... April 29th, 2014 - 12:30

    Don’t know about you, but we’re Lebanese, and we’re WHITE!

  15. I like your humor and the article. Congratulations

  16. You know im sharing this!!! Great article!

  17. Sorry to burst your and a lot of people’s bubble, but Lebanese Are White

    • Does that include all Lebanese? All factions? I’m not sure all Lebanese (or even most) would agree with you? I don’t think all the great artists to come out of Lebanon over the past 50 years (Marcel Khalife, Fairouz, Ziad Rahbani) would agree.

      • Amer, with all due respect to Fairuz, Ziad, and Marcelle Khalife, their opinions regarding our racial/ethnic background is just an opinion (which is probably based on the whole ideology of panarabism). People like Said Akl would argue differently (still it’s just an opinion). Fact is, based on studies conducted at the American University of Beirut, the Lebanese population’s gene pool is derived from their Phoenician ancestors, European ancestors, and Arabic ancestors. So some Lebanese individuals claiming they are white is not inappropriate. Lebanon has been and always will be one of the biggest melting pots in the Levant region. The population is so heterogeneous that you cannot hold anyone accountable to how they identify themselves (such a fair skinned, blonde, blue eyed Lebanese gentleman is technically as White as any other Caucasian descendant).

        • This whole Arab Phoenician White thing is so dumb!!!!! I am ashamed to see other Lebanese people bring this subject!!!! How can we still be phoenicians when their civilization is extinct!!!! I am christian and Arab too!! where’s the problem in that??? You mean to tell me Phoenician people lived in our country but didn’t live in Syria or palestine? What, there were legal borderlines back then? They lived in the area all the way from Palestine to Tunisia, for god’s sake stop being so racist and accept your identity and move on

          • NAOUM MYRNA ... May 1st, 2014 - 10:59

            4″ colours” on earth to determine races. Black, yellow, white and red. That’s what we’ve always learned at school since ever. Yellow for asian people, black for africans, red for indians and white for the others (white, Brown, light Brown etc… In the middle east we can be between white and black with different graduations of color. That’s all. Anyhow concerning Amal and George, Amal is “whiter” than George!

  18. Brilliant ,excellent !!!

  19. Brilliant !!!

  20. Emily Rahal. You say it as if it’s a privilege . Oh and Amer probably forgot to mention that Arabs, especially the ones from Lebanon, always tick ‘white’ in those forms that ask for your ethnic group. . Don’t bother contest it because it’s offensive to be anything ‘less’ than white. *(disclaimer. .I believe it’s racist)

  21. Ummm, isn’t he Arab too? I thought he has some Lebanese or Syrian in his background…..

  22. Hahahhaha this is epic ! Very very well written :)

  23. Ibrahim Ammar ... April 29th, 2014 - 14:40

    I laughed so hard and loud I was hiccuping for a while. Hilarious….really hilarious. I like Clooney because of his interest in human rights and hope he will begin campaigning for Palestinian rights.

  24. I wish my white, Minnesotan husband had gotten this letter 15 years ago. At least he would have had a heads up about the “changing the light bulb” and “windshield wiper.” George, take notes!

    And when you mess up and need to say sorry to an Arab woman, make sure you check out my shop for handmade “I’m Sorry” cards. You might need a stack or two. :P

  25. “… we just hate America” did it really need that? you’d better not call foul the next time a red-neck says he hates the Ayatollah, Islam, Muhammad or the Koran then?

  26. To Amer and Milk and Crafty Arab, and all other people who don’t think Lebanese or for that matter most Arabs in General are not considered (Caucasian) White, let me lead you to every definition of Caucasian in all dictionarys of the world and I quote Verbatim:

    Caucasian- All the original peoples of Europe, the Middle East and North Africa.

    I hate when some Lebanese and other Arabs call people of European descent as “those white people” when in actuality We Are Too. Shukran

    • It so sad when people mix racial background and ethnicity with their personal and political beliefs. What they don’t understand is that they can be firm Pro-arab supporters and still be Caucasian. Both are completely unrelated.

      • Lawrence of america ... April 29th, 2014 - 18:24

        Dan, Joe , emily rahal … You three seem to be very sensitive about this whole white/caucasian thing.
        May I clarify something? Yes, indeed almost all Arabs lebanese and amazigh (ETC) from the middle east are legally defined as “White”. we do not qualify for any type of special treatment or considerations when it comes to various government programs afforded to Asians ( of all stripes..er colors..er national origin), African-americans, hispanics, ETC.
        However, ( and this is a big however), we are not anglo-saxon. that is a big distinction. when you “culturally” refer to “whites” you are referring to Anglo-Saxons and to a lesser extent 3-4th Generation European immigrants ( mostly from Ireland and western Europe). Typically the distinction is religious as well..meaning protestant ( though not always). also the phoenician argument , though spurious anyway, does not signify “white’ merely because some Lebanese Christian desire to distance themselves from Arabs, the Phoenicians where basically Sea Arabs. Please don’t forget that lebanon was not the only habitation of Punic peoples ..they settled from Libya to Tunisia and further, also brown folk.
        The idea that “white’ in the European fashion is something to be striven for is long out-of-daten brown-folk can get approved for loans and have good credit nowadays. Be proud of what and who you are, and don’t forget..those “whites” however much youwant to claim to be a memeber of their group don’t agree, even if they will not let you in on that.

  27. Dustin_Mcrack ... April 29th, 2014 - 18:17

    Caucasian, contrary to popular belief, is not “white”… For example, what most refer to as “white” are usually of anglo origin. If you insist on labels, peoples from the Caucasus reigon, in my opinion, should be the only ones referred to as Caucasian… IF you need labels, that is.

    • Lawrence of america ... April 29th, 2014 - 18:26

      Yes exactly dustin

      • To be fair, the true origin of the word Caucasian being used to describe Europeans and becoming interchangeable with “White” is a rather racist story. The only true Caucasians are those who live in the Caucasus mountains. The term white is a loose term anyway. It is composed if several distinct ethnic groups.

  28. SUCH A BLESSING SITUATION GOOD LUCK

  29. Excellent letter. It did make me lough

  30. You forgot to Remember him about Lawrence of Arabia…

  31. Amer
    You said so much but you forgot to ask George to visit the Palestinian
    Camps in Lebanon , May be Hollywood would say soory to all the arabs

  32. Alf mbrook … welcome to hell.7bebi

  33. Salaam! I am a Kentucky girl, married to an Arab..I have faith that he can do it!!! Insha’ Allah!

  34. ok I'm a fan ... April 29th, 2014 - 21:06

    DUDE MABROOK TO AMAL & GEORGE for helping me find you. BIG FAN NOW!

  35. Come on guys! It’s smart funny letter. Very clever and twisted. The letter made me laugh with out giggling.

  36. you know, I was excited to read this.. but you lost me when you said “you found the only Arab girl that won’t blab about dating George Clooney”. Where’s your arab instincts. Arab girls are THE.MOST.DISCRETE women on earth. The strict culture and parental patrolling they come from has parted them with this exceptional skill. Come on!

  37. crazy Amer, i love it

  38. “I have been known to get a little upset when Arab girls marry non-Arabs.”

    Right, you’re entitled to Arab “girls” because you’re an Arab man…

  39. Smart and very funny!

  40. Now all celebrities should look for Arab women !!

  41. This is the dumbest thing on the internet. You sound so condescending it isn’t even funny.

  42. Beautyand Brains ... April 29th, 2014 - 22:50

    It took a white guy to finally appreciate a smart Arab Woman.

    • Muhammad Adelson ... May 27th, 2014 - 02:32

      @Beauty and Brains, seems like you lack both if you couldn’t find an Arab man to appreciate you. Either that or your are incredibly difficult.

  43. Amer,

    When the story first broke I took part in it’s publicity by sharing the story on Facebook.

    In hindsight, I wish I had not taken part.

    What exactly is the phenomena, an educated Arab woman or a “mixed marriage”?

    Also, I must agree with Sambo.
    Please do not speak on behalf of all Arabs next time you decide to “invoke” people.

    Finally, please note that I am a fan of most of your work, however not this piece.

    Sincerely,
    Seema

  44. LILI AKEL JUNDI ... April 30th, 2014 - 00:19

    YOU ARE FANTASTIC AMER, AND I DO AGREE WITH EVERYONE, YOU SHOULD KEEP WRITING, THIS IS THE KIND OF THING WE SHOULD READ MORE OF, AT LEAST TO BRIGHTEN OUR LIVES A BIT MORE!!!!!

  45. Brilliantly written … You have a new fan ❤️

  46. lol..funny,a lot of it is probably true. I don’t know why so many people care that Clooney is getting married,he was married once for 4 yrs. Who cares. As for the ethnicity, Dustin Mcrack has it right,white generally means Anglo-Saxon here&Caucasians are my people, we originally come form the Caucasus in Russia.Again who cares? Maybe Sterling does since he got into so much trouble..lol..

  47. Usama Baalbaki ... April 30th, 2014 - 00:33

    Amazing Amer, so true, I hope he reads it!!

  48. Haha… well said Joe. Captain America, I’m not Christian yet have enough sense in my head to determine the difference between arabs and phoenicians. Time to hit those history books again buddy

    • Lawrence (Captain..i guess) of america ... April 30th, 2014 - 12:40

      My Dear sweet Rodney, I know the history. the fact that the Maronites have been trying to use the “Phoenician origin myth” to separate themselves from the “Arabs’ and the respective culture has always been a blatant attempt to divide us by outside forces. forget Arab, as that can be a linguistic designation or ethnic designation. The fact is that all of us who inhabit or whose ancestors inhabited the Mediterranean have a 1 in 17 chance of having descended from Phoenicians. But it is mostly the coastal peoples..i.e. not a group of Ghassanids that lived on a certain mountain ;)
      the Lebanese trying to take ownership of Phoenician-ism is as silly as Spaniards trying to take ownership over being Celtic. Carthage, the strongest city-state of the Punic peoples was in Tunisia, and even in Libya the Arabic name form Cyrenaica ( Eastern Libya) is Baqa which is derived from the family or tribal name of a Punic family ( in fact Hannibal’s family ..in English The Barqids).
      In any case, in case you haven’t been paying attention for the last 2 and a half thousand years, there are no more Phoenicians. Who were in fact a Semitic people, with a language more similar to Arabic than Aramaic or Hebrew, that originated in the Arabian desert many many thousands of years ago…therefore Sea Arabs.
      Also, you Lebnanese who continue to demand that you are white..you really ought to understand how funny that sounds to Anglo-Saxons who don’t even consider Irish to be their type of “white”. And its stupid anyway, be proud of the unique mixture and culture you have , like I said you’re not going to be denied a loan anymore so it’s not really a big deal.
      http://www.brightsurf.com/news/headlines/41230/Genographic_scientists_uncover_new_piece_of_Phoenician_legacy.html

  49. Two cosmopolitan people in love: get over your divisive baggage, Zahr.

  50. Wow! Only the usual Lebanese folks with inferiority complex can turn a hilarious article to a racial/ethnic argument. Ya 3amme the farthest ya’ll can go is being Christian Ghassanid Arabs. Not being able to tell the difference between what Caucasian “white” and the Anglo-Saxon which what today’s “white” stand for is a serious problem.

    Hilarious article!

  51. My God,

    This article is so mediocre and the comments are even more.
    You should all read a few books to save yourselves.

  52. This is one of the most racist, insulting piles of crap I’ve read in a long time. What a complete dickhead.

  53. سيد عمر لو بس تعطي فكرة ,إذا زعل مرتو شو ممكن نسوي فيو

  54. Amer – you forgot to mention that he’ll need to deal with Lebanese people who actually think they’re white!!!

  55. Wadih Kurdi ... April 30th, 2014 - 03:27

    Hey dude this is freakin’ amazing and very funny keep up the good work…..cheers :)

  56. hana saadeh ... April 30th, 2014 - 03:28

    nice article,i wish Amal and Georges will marry in lebanon wz lebaneese druze traditional ceremony,that would be very cool and inspiring!MABROUK

  57. Lak ayre bi habeltak ya mou3ak el zaber. In english and in short: what a retard.

  58. hehe .. sorry Amer to run this test on you, but just so you know that your article could be as shocking to Georges Cloony as my comment was to you. But what makes you so sure that Amal is that Arab ;)

  59. Well said Amer :)

  60. I’ve read a lot of dumb shit bas ma shoftesh aghba wla askhaf men keda! This guy is marring an Arab girl khalina nenademo 3al yoom elli fakar feh ye3mel keda..we assume that we know everything..we are all knowing all seeing creatures and we sure know how people think and how they feel…

  61. shawki alameh ... April 30th, 2014 - 04:28

    you need to read and know more about history and (“Hey, I loved you in Ocean’s Eleven.” They might not even know about Ocean’s Twelve or Ocean’s Thirteen yet. Try not to ruin it for them.) really/???? i am sorry to tell you that you are totally wrong dear. first Lebanese movie was in 1972 and won Oscar – also read and know history more.

    More, Famous Arabs are every where and most of them are great people and smart leaders, just stop making fun of Arabs (yourself) if you wanna be respected by others.

  62. your name is Amer and your father name is George ? hmmmm no more comment .

  63. She’s Lebanese not an Arab

  64. That was so stupid!

  65. David Asmar ... April 30th, 2014 - 05:56

    George,
    What about the “cigarette…cigarette…cigarette” move on the dance floor? I recently watched my son do that and all the other moves people have described here, along with a commentary to teach the “white guests”. Seriously, had never heard them described…my wife and I couldn’t stop laughing. Great article.

  66. When divorce ???

  67. That was absolutely wonderful.

  68. Ghada Itani ... April 30th, 2014 - 07:37

    I liked it, really, habbeyt kteer.

  69. LIKE LIKE!! I really enjoy reading it!!

  70. Christopher ... April 30th, 2014 - 09:07

    Thanks for this! I really enjoyed it. Interesting about “race” – the thing that matters is that it’s not a biological category but a political one, as the very discussion shows. Anyway, I wanted to say that being a barrister is not the same thing as being a lawyer. In the UK only barristers may speak to the court – not lawyers, so if you have a case, you first work with a lawyer then the law firm hires a barrister to make the case. So being a barrister is a Big Deal. AND her chambers are right up there with the top group in defense of human rights. Brilliant. He had better not mess up.

  71. Amer, you forgot to mention that the first or at least the second sun has to have the name of her father!

  72. Dear Amer ebn ammo George! Sohor el balad, if she is admits that she is Lebanese in the first place, knows some of the topics you mentioned maybe not the “changing bulb” dance but about politics and he already have an opinion about Palestine and I am not sure of he calls it by this name! He is pro Israel! As for the wedding i hope it happens for the sake of the girl but I donno why I feel that it is a publicity thing that will not lead to a wedding! Lastly if u r queen on marrying a Lebanese girl just list your age, “status”, and am sure fi ktir “tetas” would have few options for you! :) good luck!

  73. You are completely wrong about movies coming to Lebanon. Lebanon has always been and until now one of the first countries in the world that premier International movies very shortly after they are released. Plus, the Lebanese are one of the most people to go to movies and follow up on movies. To say that you will find people not knowing about Ocean Twelve and Ocean Thirteen in Lebanon is so untrue and I consider humiliating. For God sake, I just watched Noah last week in Lebanon which is premiering at the same time all over the west world. You need to brush on your movies experience in Lebanon man. Actually, I stopped reading the rest of your article right there..

  74. @David,

    Yes, she is an Arab.
    As you mentioned, she is Lebanese, thus Arab.
    Deal with it =]

  75. Dear Amer;
    I really loved your article not onely for the great smart way of approaching the topic, but also for your sense of humour. I liked the way you were tring to invite George c. to our social , political ,traditional reality. I felt your jealousy for your (bent baldak).
    It was a great time I had reading your artical. I hope it won’t be the last .
    Thank you and have a lovely life .
    H.B☺

  76. This is ridiculous, guys. Arabs are white, have historically conceived of themselves as white (esp. in relation to black people and South Asians) and are classified as white by Western governments and any credible race/anthropological criteria. I’m Palestinian, Egyptian, and Lebanese and nobody, from my experience, really thinks of me as anything other than white. We benefit from all (or most) of the privileges that whiteness brings in this society. We’re not economically disadvantaged, there’s nobody pulling us over, nobody following us around in supermarkets, I don’t have a hard time finding a job, and neither do most of my friends. In general, we’re not seen as different from other whites. We might have a hard time at airports every now and then (which also happens to most of my Jewish friends), but what else is there? Not much from what I can see.

    • @ Hakim who posted on April 30th, 2014 – 10:46. Your comments are very offensive. The idea of white privilege no longer applies. If you are Black in America educated and wealthy, you are better off than a white person who is poor in America. This is 2015. Unfortunately, being economically disadvantaged, being pulled over, followed in supermarkets, not finding a job also affects white people, hispanics, asians, and blacks. I’m a Black woman from Colombia with very brown skin, and I benefit from white privilege as you call it…I’m educated and I never had a hard time finding a job. I have never been pulled over or followed in a store. I have no problem with white Americans. I’m married to an Egyptian man, and our three children all look “white” because they have blue-grey eyes, lite curly hair, and lite skin. By American standards they would be considered “white” especially since white Americans assume they are tanned white people. Our children are of brown Arab and black African descent, with an Egyptian and Colombian heritage. I hope you get out and meet more black people who do not experience what you think they experience.
      Good Luck to George and Amal.

  77. I wonder why no one mentioned “non virging man marrying virgin woman” I guess that is okay in the Arab and Lebanese world!!!

  78. I hope this article reaches Clooney.

  79. “If you are Lebanese does not mean you are an Arab”. Lebanese do not need anyone to lecture them about their history. Keep your Arabism to the right people.

  80. Very silly artificial article,

  81. Love this Letter very wise!

  82. This is one of the most racist and bumptious posts I have read. Full of this undeserved sense of “we are better than others” so typically arab. (And I’m half-arab, so I have a pretty fair idea). So an unknown arab guy living in the States takes pride of Clooney marrying Amal Alammudin, and feels he is somehow related to that just because he is also Arab. And this guy gives a lot of advises to Clooney, without having the faintest idea, obviously, of who Clooney is, what he did and said he would never do in the field of politics, Palestine, and so on. Just get informed, man, before explaining the world to people who know it better than you do !

    This open letter is not only pretentious, it is so macho. Amal Alammudin is a girl, not a stereotype. You just pile up cliches.

    • Ines: Agreed. In every aspect, there is arrogance. .. and Amer, with due respect, you could have adviced G. Cloney to tell the Arab world(and Lebanon and America) to have a part in helping the current refugee crisis. There are some million tents vacant in S.Arabia reserved for only 10 days of Hajj season. . .these could have been temp open to help at least during the harsh winter period!!

  83. Oh, and forget to say… whatever you may think, “Arabs” are “white”, and any non-white person living in an Arab country knows exactly how much Arabs are proud of their white tanned skin (cliché comment, maybe, unfortunate reality also)

  84. Oh for Heaven’s Sake!!!

    When will Lebanese ever stop this pathetic inferiority complex thing??! Who cares if we are white, green or purple??!!
    Whether a movie is released on time or not?! Who cares!! Hellloooooo… there is honestly more to life than that.
    And yes… :D I am allowed to comment and criticize as I am Lebanese AND my name is Amal! Hihihi.. :)

    Seriously… this genius here writes this AM-AZ-ZI-NG article, beautifully worded, tons of humor and self reflection, superb cultural feeling, clearly a satirical piece and all ya all are piqued about is whether he got the color of your skin right???????

    Listen those who believe they are ‘white’ thus ‘superior’… a sobering piece of news for you:
    Cut any human being and we all bleed ‘red’ and bury every human being.. with time we turn into colorless bones.
    For God’s sweet sake people… !!!

    Amer, you are from now on on top of my list of heroes!!!!! Way to go and I hope to read you again. I am sure I will enjoy it tremendously :)))

  85. Best article I’ve ever read !! U must be invited to their wedding ;)

  86. Well done, Amer. Just don’t pay attention to Lebanese who think in their little heads that they are White, European & Phoenician, making them ‘superior’ to Arabs. Also, the person who posted before me has a very twisted way of looking at the world because s/he lacks the tiniest sense of humor & openness. Well done, bro – keep them coming :-) Oh, and being a 100% Levantine gene- and culture-wise, I can say the white-ist part I got is from Syria & the darkest olive-skin is from Lebanon – with Palestine being in-between. Guess you’d have to meet my family to know what I mean. But who fucking cares? We are ‘beige’ people, even ‘Jeorje’ has a beige look :-)

  87. Hope Clooney actually reads this! Lmao Amer youre the man.
    Loved this article.

  88. Amer , that was really a funny one sided article. You really need to mention the other side of true Lebanese culture/way.

  89. Being a super-duper over-the-top proud Lebanese, and based on the ridiculous claims on Lebanon above, I figure that the last time Amer visited Lebanon was probably the early 90’s. I think he has Lebanon confused with Palestine. I mean sure we’re technically neighbours (I leave perspective to the reader) but god forbid you associate us with Palestinians, or more painstakingly the gulfanians. Ewwwwww

  90. I think George is Lebanese too….

  91. Very nicely written letter Amer!
    Funny and factual! I literally laughed out loud then shared the link on my Facebook on a public setting.

    If your book is half as well written as this letter, it will be a best selling hit!

  92. Espen Goffeng ... April 30th, 2014 - 14:18

    Wow!! Let me do a little experiment here:

    “I do have some words of advice for you, from one White guy to another soon-to-be White guy. Yes, you are not currently White, but you will become one soon enough. See, when one of our women marries an Arab guy, she doesn’t become more Arab. He becomes more like us. Wikipedia says your “ancestry includes Jordanian, Palestinian, Syrian, and more distant Tunisian and Turkish roots.” And you were born in Egypt. As far as I can tell, that means you’re “really Arab.” Strap yourself in for the ride.

    I have been known to get a little upset when White girls marry non-Whites. But most of the time, they turn those non-White guys into Whites. And when that happens, I’m all for it. Our culture is strong. It is contagious. And though you are George Clooney, you will not be immune to this phenomenon.”

    Just sayin’.

  93. Great job

  94. I love it. You’re so funny and you’re absolutely correct. But I hope he does’t freak out after reading your letter and definitely marrying an Arab girl is the best way to learn about us.

  95. Ok, I laughed at some parts, but other parts I didn’t’ find funny at all and I find it rather offending, you make us sound like we’re undedicated people who come from slow/ undeveloped countries, this is not true at all. We are up to date on everything including cinemas, and we do get the latest movies even before many other western countries including England. Plus, you keep saying “we”. Please do me a favour and talk about yourself, do not generalise. Most of us Arabs are nothing but discreet, honest, kind, educated, good hearted and we’ve got the best skills ever. Politics ruined many of our people’s lives, but that was a plan made by you know who, to slow us down. Many of you know that Arabs are invincible and our history says it all, we made history, no one did it like our ancestors. We have created the present, we we’re once the leaders of many lands and fields. Please don’t forget that most of us are very talented and educated, and I think you better do more research on your own history. P.S please don not take advantage of our political incidents and our current situation and turn our Arab identity into a joke, because this is happening quite often everywhere, and it is very sad that we arabs have become the target to many comedian shows. Anyways, yes, you do have the enthusiasm after all, somehow, and thats good to have.

  96. I love it. You’re so funny and you’re absolutely correct. But I hope he does’t freak out after reading your letter and definitely marrying an Arab girl is the best way to learn about us.

  97. Thanks to all the people who got brains to understand that white or black is not the issue here.

    Two people fell in love and got engaged. What’s all this racism about?! Christian Arabs including Lebanese mostly came from Beit Lahem or Nasra which is part of the Occupied Palestine today. They were all one country, Bilad Al Sham (Syria, Palestine, Jordan and Lebanon). So Phinecian were all over Bilad Al Sham as were many others. Good luck to the couple

  98. Wow, you susppose to write novels or something, I had a real pleasure reading this. Love it!! :)

  99. Lebanese Christians are not Arabs not even the Christians from Beit Lahem are!!! You need to update your info and go read the history of Lebanon!!! Cedars of Lebanon are mentioned number of times in the bible. Christians spoke Aramaic language, the language that Jesus spoke thousands years before the Arabs occupied Lebanon. Even Palestinian Christians comes from Canaanite origin and spoke Aramaic too!! We do not have to prove to anyone what our identity is!! Go and read what is stated on any Lebanese passport if you are interested. “REPUBLIC LIBANAISE” = “AL JOUMHOURIAH EL LOUBNANIEH” It does not say: AL JOUMHOURIAH EL ARABIAH EL LOUBNANIEH like other Arab nations do!!!
    We do not force our identity on anyone and I hope no one tells us who we are, as it is not our business to know who you are and where you come from!!!

  100. The best read I have had for a long time Amer, hilarious. I am a big fan of GC an instant fan of his beautiful Arab lady. Viva Palestine!

  101. Subhi Hashwa ... April 30th, 2014 - 19:00

    Sorry to rain on this parade but has everyone forgotten the law of Allah that a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim ?

    I’m assuming she’s a muslim with a name like Alamuddin. Arab or not, this is not the kind of action any Muslim who cares about their religion should support.

    PS. Let me put it bluntly, an invalid wedding in Islam is zina.

    • Your friend ... May 20th, 2016 - 17:38

      Wow.. They really did witch craft on you and got you so brainwashed!!! I’m an old friend that will be praying for your lost soul Subhi. Why don’t you pray to God to lead you to the righteous way and if it’s Islam then you will know it. But you owe it to yourself. Before you believe blindly you need to ask God for the truth and the light and I’m 100% confident you will be lead back to no other than Jesus, our Savior.

  102. Great satire made even better by the comment thread of people who do not quite get satire! Being a ‘white’ who married a Syrian, I can safety say the culture shock at some times is over-whelming. Maybe it’s just my family, but ‘Arabs’ are the most welcoming generous, and humorous cultural group. We laughed the whole time, thanks it was much needed! :)

  103. That is a retarded article. I don’t know where to start.

    – “I have been known to get a little upset when Arab girls marry non-Arabs. But most of the time, they turn those non-Arab guys into Arabs.”
    Why would you be upset? What’s annoying about marrying a guy from a different culture? And what’s cool about turning “him” into an Arab? You’d be happy for her when her husband turns into a controlling, religious narrow minded freak? No offense, I am Lebanese and I know how many (NOT ALL) Arab guys think. All I see here is a that sense of stupid useless patriotism.

    – “We Arabs are extra proud of where we come from. And Lebanese Arabs are extra special super-duper over-the-top proud of where they come from.”
    Again. Stupid patriotism. One is born in a country X, one should be proud of that accidental thing, and one considers himself as if he/she belongs to the best people in the world. Waaw. That’s so deep. Oh and as Lebanese, please I want to know what have the Arabs done to humanity so far so I can be proud of it?

    – “While parts of Beirut are more beautiful than any other place in the world”. Really? Have you been to Beirut? Beirut is not beautiful. It’s not a touristic city. It has good nightlife, nice restaurants, and nice people. That’s it. There are lots of beautiful and touristic sites in Lebanon, but not Beirut.

    – “you will probably be receiving some lectures on Palestine. Sit back and listen. You will learn a lot… And there’s nothing we Arabs love more than talking about international law and how it has been betraying us since… well, since forever. And there might be some anger directed at America. But remember, we don’t hate Americans. We just hate America.” Who are you to talk about Amal’s opinion on Lebanon, Palestine, The Arab world or America? And who are you to say WE hate America? Stop talking in the name of Arab people! Oh and you hate America? Cool. you know you own America a nationality and a place to live in. Give them back to America, you know, to prove your point.

    – “Oh, and we have to talk about the wedding. You may have hoped for a small, tactful affair. I wouldn’t be too optimistic.” Stop stereotyping people! Not all Arab women are alike! This man married a unique successful independ woman who is surely different than many of the gold diggers you have met, so do not generalize your opinion as if you can predict what she wants!

    – “Incidentally, now that you will have an Arab wife who advocates for Arab rights, if you were ever going to run for political office in America, you definitely cannot now.” She does not advocate Arab rights! She specializes in human rights! Arabs are not the only victims in the world for God’s sake.

    P.S. The US recognizes six ethnic and racial categories: White American, Native American and Alaska Native, Asian American, African American, Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander, and people of two or more races (check wikipedia!). So according to US, Arabs are white.

    To much nonsense. Please read a book to open your perspectives.

  104. The Lebanese are not one race, we are a melting pot of different races. I have Lebanese friends who are of French, Italian, Russian, Palestinian, Syrian, Turkish and Greek descent. According to the national geographic study done just a few years back on our DNA, they found that even 2% of our population has Indian genes. This is due to the travelling of the Phoenicians to India and exchanging glass with Indian silk. The Phoenicians traded and intermarried as well with the Persians which explains why the Iranian non Arabs look like us more than any Arab people.

    This is what makes Lebanon special and this is exactly the same combination that makes the USA special. Unfortunately for us we are just in the wrong neighborhood.

  105. Does Amal know that George Clooney is a pig lover and had a pet pig he slept with for many years…..

  106. Ramy Hammoudy أبو ريما ألأصلي ... April 30th, 2014 - 23:00

    My God what I’m reading is blowing up my mind, hey everybody can you leave this marriage in peace, who are you all people to start debating about white and non-white, why did everyone prove a point when non of you all have a point……. Stop shooting
    Daliah you went so far I’m just saying that was really beyond, what he was trying to do is just being sarcastic of our old habits which i see it funny, that man was trying to highlight them up in a funny way which i consider (Self Criticism).
    Can you everybody stop being stupid for once, can you stop saying Lebanese, Palestinians, Syrians and Jordanians.
    Can you all drop this hypocrisy aside and learn how to preach yourself.
    Can you all stop trying to amaze us with the huge amount of his ethnic historical knowledge and back ground, enough is enough because I’m amazed yes amazed with the high level of ignorance .
    Non of you read between the lines, Amer was only trying to highlight our society, traditions and culture mixed with the old habits in a sarcastic way and guess what ??? with your massive replies you all proved his point.
    Way to go Amer you cracked me up as much as the rest of the comments took me down .
    Peace

  107. Arab who likes silly HUMOR!! ... April 30th, 2014 - 23:09

    All these crazy opinions… some people can’t just take a joke!! It is supposed to be meant in good humor, why bash the guy and try and “educate” him. An Arab always has to turn something into politics or get offended by such little things! GO FIGURE!

  108. This is a stereotype of Lebanese. Lebanese who never get out of Lebanon think like that and believe that Lebanon is such a great country. The Lebanese who travel, who are highly educated (like Amal Alamuddin), and are exposed to the rest of humanity, know that intelligent Lebanese people don’t behave like what is explained in this ridiculous article.

  109. It seems that Mr. Clooney will end up a victim of something to do with Arab , Imagine George and Amal eating” mansaf “with King and Queen Of Jordan . That is some thing king Abdulla would love to do . After eating the Mansaf George Clooney’s Arabic name will be George Akaloony. Then separation will be imminent ! Congratulation

  110. Funny, Amazing but True. Thanks Amer.

  111. This is simply brilliant!
    Welcome to the family Clooney.
    By the power invested in me I proclaim you as a 5aroof. Welcome to the herd.

  112. Anonymous ... May 1st, 2014 - 02:38

    Well honestly i don’t know why the whole world is celebrating this as if it was a big deal. As for the white part mmm i don’t remember seeing any dark Lebanese except for when we tan. The movies? Maybe you should get informed about that. Lebanon is in the zone which gets the movies even before European countries like France and Sweden. As for the wedding, not all lebanese girls like the traditional way of wedding and Amal might be one of them so you don’t have to draw Lebanese in this gross way. But that was a good try anyhow!

  113. Samir Sayed ... May 1st, 2014 - 02:40

    Beautifully written Amer I think you explained to him everything nothing more is needed to say

  114. hahah. funny :)))))))))))

  115. what I love more than the article is how many people this seems to have offended…..get a sense of humor people….

  116. Nice article. I laughed so hard. The rest of you sheep complaining in the comments need to relax. It’s a creative article. It was all fun and humour.

  117. Those Lebanese who do not want to be Arab, we don’t want you either! Period. I am proud of my Arab roots…and I NEVER check “white” when filling out my race in an application. Fuck that! I’d rather put Asian. We are part of the Asian continent after all. I have nothing against whites, but I’m not white and I’m not checking that box.

  118. Amazing article amer,i wouldn’t be surprised if george clooney invited you and ask to meet with you to get more advices..May be you will explain more about why we hate America, and not americans..god bless…

  119. what an schmuck… u r full of urself rnt u? well ur full of something for sure…”America’s funniest? & smartest? if u r one of these who crawled and begged for the US citizenship and now live in America, then stick to it and don’t talk about Arabs cause u simply lost the right to …. who gave u the right to talk about Arabs in general and Lebanese in particular? who gives u the right to even talk about Clooney and his fiancee? do u have an inferiority complex? is it ur imaginary friend? looks like u have plenty of those that u imagine listening to u, btw and fyi: Movies hit the Arab world’s theaters before Europe. Obviously, u r a person with a complex, and ur criticism goes only back at u and those who think ur smart… and God forbid: “funny”…

  120. Salah N. Younis ... May 1st, 2014 - 06:16

    It is a cross-cultural marriage which I surely hope will promote understanding , peace and love among nations . A human being is marrying another human being from the opposite sex , we are happy for them . I TRULY HOPE THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WILL SUCCEED TO ENCOURAGE OTHER PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT CULTURES TO CONSIDER SUCH A CHALLENGE IF THEY THINK THEY ARE UP TO IT . Again congratulations to the seemingly happy couple .

  121. No doubt he made the right choice .
    Though I am not sure why such a girl wants to marry George Clooney ?

  122. amer, you sure said it right. my congratulations to beautiful couple.

  123. LOL… Brilliant!

    You just forgot to warn George about the dormant Arab gene, (only activated upon marriage) that invariably adds 150 Pounds to any living female within 18 months after the wedding

  124. I don’t think anyone mentioned that just because you were born in Lebanon it does not make you Lebanese. I’m sure there are many Lebanese born actors in Hollywood just ask Keanu Reeves. As for Lebanon I am not sure if you know but many of the rich and famous frequently vacation there. It was entertaining to read this but I am familiar with the culture and I am labeled as Arab American. I know most of us Arab American are proud to be American first. There is no difference between a Arab or a Lebanese other than who you are asking. I have mastered the camillian way of life and I do check the “white” box due to ignorant people who assume.

  125. Jeannette Abbud ... May 1st, 2014 - 10:36

    I AM MEXICAN BUT MY FAMILY IS FROM LEBANON OF COURSE I LOVE MY COUNTRY BUT MY HEART IS IN LEBANON. WHAT IS WRITTEN HERE, YES IT IS TRUE IN SOME WAY, WE LOVE OUR ROOTS WE ARE PROUD OF THIS COUNTRY THAT HAS SUFFERED LONG TIME, , BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING WE ALL ARE THE SAME IN THIS WORLD. IF YOU REALLY LOVE HER MARRY HER, LOVE HER, AND BE HAPPY. AND I AM SURE YOU WILL. FORGET THAT HATE OF THIS GUY WHO HATES AMÉRICA, AMÉRICA IS BEAUTIFUL WE HAVE LEBANESE PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE WORLD. BUT MUCH MORE IN AMÉRICA, SO BE HAPPY AND CONGRATULATIONS.

  126. I am LEBANESE , not an Arab, but I am middle eastern ;)

  127. Great article Amer. As another “foreign” man who has fallen totally in love with an intelligent, succesful, professional and multilingual Lebanese beauty and hope to marry her soon (if she will accept me of course and “exchange contracts”) I appreciate all the advice (and encouragement) you have provided. perhaps you could also have given a couple of hints on the Sharia marriage law process – that looks a little daunting to a “foreigner”.
    I am pleased to say that I am really looking forward, with just a little trepidation, to the enlarged family (although she will of course also be very welcome in my big family), too.
    And PS: If I can do it, you could perhaps be lucky enough too.
    Thanks, and good luck

    • Hi David. Thanks for the support! As far as advice on the Sharia marriage law process, I have never gone through it myself, but I have witnessed a few, and I do have a master’s degree in the ways of our part of the world.

      So it’s simple:

      You just need to memorize 7 words in Arabic. That’s it. Everything else kinda just happens. The whole thing takes like 5 minutes. You don’t even have time to reconsider.

  128. M.J. Walters ... May 1st, 2014 - 13:13

    As an Anglo man that fell in love with a Lebanese woman a number of years ago…
    I am laughing my arse off! Brilliant, Amer! The beauty of good humor is in the honesty, objectivity, & delivery – and you nailed it. If you were here, I’d call you ‘hayete’ and kiss both cheeks! :)

  129. Really nice cool article… fun…
    But y she is not marrying an arab?
    I think that Amal is the one that turned “occidental” and not george that is turning arab!!!!

  130. My good friend and civilized Arab, you STILL win the hearts of non-Arabs everywhere.

    Lest we forget, that his Highness, Girius Kalooney, consulted with experts on the Middle East, when he starred in (and possibly produced) the rather complex, enigmatic, and quixotic film, “Syriana” (some years ago)… so HE may have been on the path to being “Arabized” long before the media knew about Ms. Amal. Stay tuned my friend.

  131. Lily W. Porter ... May 1st, 2014 - 21:21

    Very funny! Best wishes to both for a long and happy married life!

  132. Anybody who wants to learn about all the religious, ethnic, and tribal hatred and in-fighting in the Arab world… just read the comments here!

    As for Amal and George, they can marry whoever they want, and it shouldn’t bother anybody. And we also shouldn’t jump the gun and think a wedding is imminent or that a wedding will take place ever just because they got engaged.

  133. Loved your letter Amer – very witty and very true! I married into a Lebanese family, have been to Lebanon, and can relate to everything you wrote!

  134. Stephanie z ... May 1st, 2014 - 22:19

    To all who wonder who Arabs are, shame on you who do not know history.
    Arabs, Phoenicians, Arameans , Jews , all those all people of the Semtic race. And they all have their home in the Middle East . And Semtic means the followers of Sam. Pls go and read again the first 10 pages of the Bible. You will find it somewhere.

  135. Stupid article.

  136. Tormentor ... May 2nd, 2014 - 02:57

    The lebanese are one of the most racist, arrogant and self righteous cunts in The Arab world. This is truly a shitty article. GTFO Amer and accept that you are just a lebbo with an identity crisis.

  137. That s epic Amer,,, well done. Loved the honest situation in a very fun way. Goes directly to the heart :)

  138. Loved this! As an Arab woman of Jordanian descent, this is dead on! Even my Jewish husband agrees!

  139. I saw a video you posted in which u said beautiful women are lebanese men ? who the hell do you think you are? u should apologize before you talk about a lebanese woman !

  140. racist fuckhead ... May 2nd, 2014 - 10:33

    you arab piece of elitist shit

  141. Lebanese dont hate Americans we just hate America! seriously!
    whats this about!?
    What a dumb thing to say!
    WE AS LEBANESE, DONT HATE AMERICANS NOR AMERICA ONLY THE GOVERNMENT WHO KEEPS INTERFERING IN ALL THE ARAB COUNTRIES! AND WE ARENT DUMB AS YOU PICTURE US! I THOUGHT THIS ARTICLE WOULD BE, WELL,I EXPECTED MORE!

  142. Hi Folks
    Howdy? AMAL is not ARAB , she grew up in Lebanon and studied in ENGLAND
    We do not who are biological parents are and from were , stop all the crap , sam

  143. Lebanese dont hate Americans, we just hate America!!? seriously!
    what a dumb thing to say!
    we LEBANESE DONT HATE AMERICANS,NOR AMERICA , WE JUST HATE US GOVERNMENT FOR INTERFERING IN OUR COUNTRY BUSINESS!
    If you want to wright an article at least you should right it well!
    When i first heard about this ARTICLE you wrote,I was curious but now, well!!! I really expected more!!

  144. jackson of america ... May 2nd, 2014 - 12:55

    A lot of (apparently) highly educated folks on here who unfortunately will never understand “satire”. Learn to laugh, people – life is so short.

  145. C Singltipermir ... May 2nd, 2014 - 13:12

    If you don’t like America, you should get out.

    And it not about which country’s cultures are this and that, or better, or worse, or more beautiful, or whatever is most important to you. It’s about NOT SPREADING the kind of hate that’s sprinkled throughout your letter.

    If you’re about hate, bombing, stereotyping, and violence—America doesn’t need or want you, or any more people like you. Get out or don’t come here.

    • Open to all that is said, however, I am replying to CowBoy Jack A.S.S. and this: [ C Singltipermir … May 2nd, 2014 – 13:12
      If you don’t like America, you should get out ].

      Forget the proud, the jealous and who the cap fit!
      What the heck do you know about America or any other part of the world, migration and who is who?
      Cut the crap, and get a life… If every American living in the Middle East, and world over is asked to leave, how many Americans will that be, including those who robbed the taxpayers and flead! If you are an American, how many generations of American will you be in truth! Who is American, I should first ask you, who built America, and who propelled and spin America. Ask yourself, or do you at all understand those questions… Want to talk race, religion, color and creed etc… Find out the difference of Revelation, what was revealed, what is cult/cultivated, what is Storytelling added with music, song, dance to bring the ONE of the oldest cult a big business where the rules changes to suite the $$. To what was revealed to the world, when revealed, why and why did God made changes in time, and you may (if you can interpret what you read), understand why all that is concocted and forced, and bullied on to a certain peoples of the world, why is big organized governments of the world together with religion is been conspiring to make these pple fight for what is theres, defend themselves, and being branded deliberately all because God have spoken to his Angels, and the Angels have brought the last message.
      Can’t handle it! READ if you can understand. Find out what religion is in it for commerce and governments is part of it. Find out why the control media is deliberately mixing cultures with religion. Find out that its only 3-religion and not hundreds, the English language just offered cults a place in the listing under religion. Find out how the biggest cult (in numbers), have hijacked the term Religion from the word Christianity to call itself a religion. Find out how many cults have come out of christianity, and cast from others. Find out the simple difference in Sunni/Shiite and how its no difference and never a difference in the scripture and religion, its a historical misunderstand or belief of what one group wanted from the other. Ask yourself if you are a Human being who wants to know what is truth, and if you want to be treated like those elsewhere (by the way, where was your foreparents from)! Do a survey in North America (only by FAITH, which faith a family is from), and let honest people who is the Friends, neighbours of each other, colleague at work, University, Colleges, High, Primary and Pre-Schools, Professionals like Attorneys, Doctors and Sports and every sector: Let the survey ask of its best and overall recommended person as a Friend and what is their religious background as a person (per Faith). Say 1 million of each group! Do the math.
      Radicals, extremist and passionate fighters for whatever cause, are also misunderstand the Islamic scriptures. In it Woman is more than equal (do not mix cultural and tribal issues, and any misinterpretation they have within them). In it, its ‘What is yours is your Wife’s, what is belonging to your Wife is also Hers’. Its also states clearly that your Mother is first, and second is your Mother, 3rd, is your Mother and then your Father. I am not an Arab, but the world is missing great Love, hospitality, architecture, culture, Friends and benefits from these Historic pple who brought you out of the dark ages, and who is the Envy of a small group supported my big continents! Ask Bush Sr.
      Its all CONCOCTED! READ!
      This could go on and on. Be a Human first, and find the truth.
      Go to Amazon and read, its all America: http://www.amazon.com/The-100-Ranking-Influential-Persons/dp/0806513500
      Ranking Of The Most Influential Persons In History… People need to want for others, what they would for their own!
      Read all American who is Scholars of the History, and go to the other party, and don’t be cultivated, be yourself first, then you may gain knowledge. “KNOWLEDGE IS POWER’. You could be Powerless, like some pple who talk and never even went to the other State, and they could have even walk there!

  146. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SO EFFING TRUEEEEEEEEEEEE EVERY SINGLE WORD IS SO TRUE.

  147. Is this really supposed to be funny? If so, please leave my country! You hate America? So why are you here? Go find another country that you will love, and leave mine to us Americans who have worked hard to make it the land of opportunity for people like you and say thank you. Leave!

  148. Doubting Thomasina ... May 2nd, 2014 - 17:57

    The only problem is that this letter may be a bit premature. George’s relationships don’t seem to last.

  149. Very funny. Thanks. Just became a fan.

  150. Kate Simmons ... May 2nd, 2014 - 20:10

    Wow, what a bigot! You get angry when arab girls marry non-arab men? Are you saying you’re against freaking interracial marriage? No words…

  151. What is it about the Lebanese that constantly makes them denounce their very own Arabic culture. Since when did being Arab become such a bad thing that you feel the need to constantly deny it? What language does Lebanon speak? Arabic. What borders Lebanon to the North and East? Syria (an Arabic country). What about to the South? Palestine (an Arabic country). So why is it that the country in between Syria and Palestine does not think they are Arabs? What because you guys are fair and Christian you think that it separates you from the greater Arab population? There are fair Christian and non-Christian Syrians and Palestinians, and I have never, not once, heard these people deny their “Arabness” so adamantly as do the Lebanese. We are all the same people, and we should stand together. You realize by constantly being on the defensive and denying your Arabic heritage, you are in turn hurting the image of Arabs across the world because you make it seem like it is something to be ashamed of. For the love of God, be proud of who you are and where you come from.

  152. GERRY OSTICH ... May 3rd, 2014 - 13:46

    iT’S TO BAD YOU HATE THE HAND THAT FEEDS HALF THE WORLD, PROBABLY YOUR COUNTRY INCLUED ,SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY, IT’S MY HOME AND PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN, GOD SEES EVERTHING, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  153. Anirudh Vasdev ... May 3rd, 2014 - 16:38

    This is hilarious! Very well written my friend, also the tone and style of your writing for such a casual article is quite spectacular. You have made it humorous without the use of vulgar expressions or any negative criticism. Yes, certain sentences people will object too but as they say when elephants walk, dogs tend to bark. So just ignore em, take your strides forward, carrying the reader on your back with both of you enjoying the ride ;)

  154. First of all — High Five, Amer — great article! I spent a dozen years in Dearborn, and I sooo miss New Yasmeen bakery.

    But I have to agree with many of the comments — Lebanese are NOT Arabs — and if anything, Americans have been exceedingly well “Lebanized” already, ever since Danny Thomas first filled our TV screens, many, many decades ago. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danny_Thomas

    I’m confident that Amal “caught” an aging Clooney, the very last member of this social group to get hitched, because the two are already mentally two peas in a pod. Some of the most intelligent, amazing people I have met have been Lebanese, including a young engineer who called me over to his desk to show me the Google Earth view of his grandfather’s cistern (to water his herds) in Lebanon, then scrolled over to show me the window of his aunt’s apartment. If there had been a pie in her window, we could have seen it as a large dot. Even from the satellite, it was all very beautiful.

    Arab men are not supposed to touch unrelated women, but when we graduated grad school, my Iranian friend Mo and I hugged tightly and shed tears. So, I wouldn’t call HIM “Arab” either. I am only two states away from him, but we’re friends on Facebook. You spend that many years with someone, you ARE family. With or without some huge wedding, or 3+ gas stations :).

    I lay my penny down, double or nothing, that he “Kentucky-izes” her just as much as she “Lebanizes” him.

  155. LMAO….. This is probably right on target, and we’re all laughing. Clooney looks like a moron for sure after this article…

  156. We neither hate America nor Americans. Some of us might disagree with certain US policies but you cannot say that Arabs hate America!! At least I know for sure I don’t. This is a misconception that we need to correct, not propagate. Besides, if you are interested in Arab and Lebanese “accomplishments”, I suggest you focus your next article on Arab doctors, scientists, engineers, artists, writers and athletes who are making actual contributions to the world. Marrying a Hollywood playboy does not sound like much of an accomplishment to me, at least not one I would write an article about.

  157. And thanks for deleting my comment!!

  158. Anne. F. H. ... May 5th, 2014 - 20:21

    what a funny letter. I have not stopped laughing.
    The satire and humour is genius . I totally agree. I am one of those Lebanese women that married a white fella. The poor guy has been swollen up completely.
    He is still trying to resurface.His Arabic oral skills are still rusty but he will eventually get there or else. On another note however I do agree with one commentator who wrote that we should not get too exited about this Amal and George union as his relationships do not last long.
    Good luck Amal.

    Anne.

  159. Mmmm Yeah Funny and all thumbs up! BUT bro who on earth ever told u that we get late movie releases in Lebanon! I dn’t know about other Arab countries but we sure as hell are not that left behind as to not have heard of ocean’s thirteen!! Second of all, Amal knows better then to bring her rich handsome famous fiance to Lebanon just yet :P I bet her family doesn’t even live here :/ Oh! And We Lebanese might hate Some americans But we LOVE America BIG TIME, do not mess with that.
    And I would just like to add that All we Lebanese think that George is a very Lucky man for having Amal as his fiance and not the other way around, Yeeep we are that God Damn Proud of Who We Are…

  160. when Georgcloony snaped his fingers for Iranians so good, then he has the talent to dance abarbic too:))

  161. مالت عليكم ... May 7th, 2014 - 18:27

    ما اسخفك

  162. George Canaan ... May 7th, 2014 - 19:22

    This little comment is being addressed to Emily Rahal:
    According to the European and American standards and deep rooted belief , Arabs can be white, brown and black. They are definitely caucasian in accordance with their anthropolgy science.
    According to the Greeks history and literature, the Greeks called and nicknamed the Canaanites of greater Syria (Mount Lebanon, present Syria, Palestine and Jordan) phoenicians which litrally means in Greeks and Latin the red or copper skin color. This nickname stuck to the Canaanite and later in history they became phoenicians and people every where, especially the Europeans called the Canaanites by their new greek nickname.
    My dear little stupid phoenician , you are very ignorant of our history that you brought the laughs and sarcas

  163. George Canaan ... May 7th, 2014 - 20:12

    This little comment is being addressed to Emily Rahal:
    According to the European and American standards and deep rooted belief , Arabs can be white, brown and black. They are definitely caucasian in accordance with their anthropolgy science.
    According to the Greeks history and literature, the Greeks called and nicknamed the Canaanites of greater Syria (Mount Lebanon, present Syria, Palestine and Jordan) phoenicians which litrally means in Greeks and Latin the red or copper skin color. This nickname stuck to the Canaanite and later in history they became phoenicians and people every where, especially the Europeans called the Canaanites by their new greek nickname.
    My dear little stupid phoenician , you are very very ignorant of your history that you brought the laughs and sarcasm of the white anglosaxon europeans and americans.
    Here in the USA where I Live in 100 % white community and in mostly white university, they consider every lebanese and every palestinian and every syrian and every jordanian no matter what skin color they have or what eye color they have or no matter what religion they follow , they still call them arabs.
    You and the rest of the phoenicians are disgrace to the human race. Congratulations in order to you and the rest of the phoenicians on their absolute stupidity and total ignorance of our history. As my white anglosaxon american professor of anthology told the christian lebanese students (maronite phalange and lebanese forces) that you are arabs and will always be arabs. Stop separating yourselves from the rest of the arab students. The reason he said that to the so-called phoenician students , the professor wanted to know what ethnic groups he ad in his class. All white students formed a group, all latin americans formed another one, all the arab students including other christian lebanese students formed arab group, blacks formed their group, the maronite lebanese vformed their own and called their group phoenicians. The professor of anthropology laughed his heart out when he heard the maronites calling themselves phoenicians. He literally told you are arabs and you belong in the arab group unless you want me to send you to the museum of the extinct phoenicians (canaanites)

  164. For Americans you do not have to take it personal have sense of humor, Amer did not say anything against you…
    For Lebanese take it easy you r so proud!! what language do you speak to consider that you are not Arabs!!
    YES this is funny but not for stupid people …

  165. I never understood why people get so offended when we lebanese people say that we are not Arabs, we are Lebanese. I mean when we say we are not Arabs it is because we are not. Our culture does not come from Arab people which is beautiful by the way. Our Lebanese culture is simply a Lebanese one. As simple as that. Now that being said, congrats Mr. Amer for making us look retarded…maybe you have mistaken Lebanon for some nearby Arab country. It’s no surprise that the most accomplished “Middle Eastern” people in the west are mainly from Lebanon… AND THAT is because we are in fact different and no I will not give this credit to the Arabs: a race of lazy, closed-minded individuals… we are the Lebanese, we are the descendants of the people of the sea, the creators of the alphabet… And THAT is why George clooney should be proud. Thank you.

  166. If you can’t handle criticism Amer, do not publish such articles… so now you delete the comments that don’t suit you?

    • Hi Lina, I don’t delete comments, all comments go through to ensure they don’t have profanity or viruses or whatever. I let people post their thoughts openly, no matter their viewpoints of my writing.

  167. shukran – this is brilliant! :)

  168. With all respect to you,it is clear from your article that you are not Lebanese,that you have no understanding of the Lebanese culture and that you have not visited Lebanon recently.Lebanon is far from being a war zone in 2014!!!
    It is also clear that you have a poor knowledge of the Lebanese history.
    Before the Arabs came to Lebanon from the Arabic Peninsula,there were non Arabs living there and this population living in Lebanon now, is defined as Lebanese.As simple as that!!!As far as what skin color Lebanese people have..it is white!
    The color of the skin does not define the ethnic background.
    I am not sure about this article..I really disliked it..it does not give a true picture of Lebanon or the Lebanese culture..you are describing your culture, another country’s culture..not Lebanon.I did not find a description of my Lebanese culture in your article…What you are describing is not my Lebanon,the Land of Cedars…the Lebanon of Gibran!

  169. EXCELENT, BRILLIANT, HILLARIOUS … Man you made my day .. It couldn’t have been said more simpler or funnier or more straightforward than this… GENIUS.. And if george doesn’t invite you to the wedding.. Hell .. Go and crash the wedding doing the bulb changing and windshield wiper moves.. U’ve earned it… I can’ stop laughing.. Two thumbs up dude.. You’ve nailed it.;))

  170. كم انت سخيف يا عربي، خلي الغرب يضلو يتمسخر علينا

  171. Susie Partin ... July 12th, 2014 - 10:16

    As a third generation Lebanese-American, I have learned our history at my grandparents and parents feet. They left Mt. Lebanon in the early 1900’s. So everything I learned is now 100 years old. In other words, Lebanon remained as it was when they left. The stories, “we have the largest lemons”, or “Lebanese grapes are the sweetest”, are pleasant memories. For heaven’s sake, there were few cars in Lebanon when they left! We were schooled in our village clan rankings!! Of course “our” family was in the best village, and we were from the best family! So I submit, if everything was so great, why did they leave? Simply, there was little opportunity to make a good living! For this reason, I am very proud of my grandfather to leave his ancestral home, travel across the ocean, and establish a successful business. As for checking race on forms, there is always “other”.

  172. you saying ” You’re Known to get upset when Arab girls get married to none Arabs” sounds pretty ignorant people from other races marry other races why are arabs better then anyone else like really dude ? how is it any of your business if other arab girls marry from another race arab girl or any race have the right to marry from other races

    P.S. I’m Arab

  173. NOTHING comes late to Lebanon, and least of all movies. If anything, there is probably some lebanese person somewhere who is probably more aware of what George will be shooting next than his own agent. Other than that, Hey! Great article!

  174. Whilst like minded and nationalistic people find this clever and funny, many others, like me, find it presumptuous, arrogant and rather egotistical. Personally, I hope George does nothing that you suggest and that both he and his wife, live exactly as they prefer, not as culturally brainwashed people, as you suggest. :)

  175. Julia Fadillah ... September 29th, 2014 - 18:23

    Way to go, Amer!! (y)

  176. Very funny…. Now we are willing to give George 3 more Arab women only if he can solve the Middle East problems…

  177. I thought it was funny and well written.. However – I have never been in Lebanon my self , although I live in the Middle East- but I have many Lebanese friends. As far as I know The culture of Lebanon is the cross culture of various civilizations over thousands of years. Originally home to the Phoenicians, and then subsequently conquered and occupied by the Assyrians, the Persians, the Greeks, the Romans, the Arabs, the Fatimids, the Crusaders, the Ottoman Turks and most recently the French, Lebanese culture has over the millennia evolved by borrowing from all of these groups. (But all speak Lebanese -Arabic .. )

    I have nothing against the Lebanese culture at all , – all my friends are wonderful .. And I’m sure Mr Clooney have found a wonderful match .. And wishing them all the best

  178. Funny article and i understand the irony, however the first part of this letter could be perceived to be inappropriate by some of the white non arabic readers including Cloney himself. For some white people there is no difference between Arab culture and islam. Rightly or wrongly they always mix this up. The comment abt Cloney becoming an Arab could be perceived to be a threat by those people. Is the Arab culture so much better than any other cultures in this world? Is there is only way in to this culture and no way out? And therefore does anyone who’s open minded and approaches Arab culture has to become an Arab no? And finally does Cloney wants to become and Arab just because his wife comes from Lebanon? And does the fact that she is willing to mary an infidel not actually indicate that she is not taking her Arab background too serious? Whilst i love this article and find it funny, but first part of it could be easily misunderstood.
    I have born in muslim family and now married to christian man and therefore understand sensitivity of such question. I didn’t marry my husband to change his culture.

  179. May be funny and well written yes, but well-prepared def not. For several years now, movies open in Lebanon within a few weeks, and many times the same week, as the US…..

    Also less then 5% of Lebanon (max max) looks like it was just bombed. Hardly qualifies as “most”

  180. arab old bitch

  181. This is hilarious!! The minds of some are so narrow!! Here’s a question…..what color are you when you are dead? That’s right my dear Einsteuns..we are just DEAD!! so color/race really does not matter. Wake up and smell the rigamortis. I am amazed that this type of thinking still exists in our so-called progressive world. Seems the self acclaimed “white’ or “caucasian” have yet to advance their not-so-progressive minds into the …wait for it…..idea of “we are equal in the eyes of God” Oh no!!! you mean we are not more superior than others!! Hold up… I think God made a mistake!!!! (urrrr…. newsflash…God never makes mistakes!!)

  182. Pigs are going to shit in your dinner ... January 27th, 2016 - 13:22

    Goatfuckers

  183. How can a civil person be upset when a woman of their background marries someone of another background ?

    That’s very archaic


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