Not All Muslims Are Terrorists!

On September 11, 2001, I was 24 years old.  I was a graduate student at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, and I woke up on that Tuesday morning around 9:15.  I did what I did every morning at that time in my life.  I turned on ESPN and saw the Twin Towers billowing with smoke.  I thought it was a movie.  I started surfing through the channels, only to find the same scene … Continue Reading

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Happy Eid to Everyone… and I Mean Everyone!

Ramadan can cause a lot of confusion throughout this country. For the past 30 days, Americans have been wondering why their Muslim counterparts have been running out of energy after 3 pm.

Well, Ramadan is finally over. And now we have completed Eid Al-Fitr, the three day long festivity that marks the end of the holy month. This celebration is filled with feasts and gatherings. It is a culmination of a month of fasting, reflection, … Continue Reading

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Arabs and the Circle of Life

For us Arabs, this month has definitely not been short of news. Libya is in the middle of a revolution. Syria is in flames. And the Palestinians, if you haven’t heard, are about to have their own state.

Qaddafi has been in power since Nixon took office. He is now on the run, trying to escape a rebellion undertaken by his own people against him. He is being deposed in the same manner in which … Continue Reading

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A Little Bit of Israel

“There’s a little bit of Israel in all of us… Come find the Israel in you.”

That’s what I heard.  I was up at 3 am.  It was one of those nights when I couldn’t sleep, laying awake, working out varied scenarios and schemes to liberate my homeland.  Then on came a commercial, showing stunning videographics of a familiar land, ending with the tagline: “There’s a little bit of Israel in all of us… Come … Continue Reading

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Merry Ramadan

Muslims are entering the holy month of Ramadan, a time of fasting, reflection, and sleeping in whenever possible. As I have told you all before, I come from an interreligious family. My father is a Christian and my mother is a Muslim. It is the type of marriage forbidden in both religions. And look what they got… Me.

My upbringing was interreligious, not areligious. Growing up in my house meant being exposed to all faiths. … Continue Reading

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BEWARE… Being Palestinian is Contagious

Last weekend, I was lucky enough to perform at the annual convention of the American Federation of Ramallah Palestine in Washington, DC. I saw many old friends and met many new ones. I performed in three comedy shows, and I can tell you this: Palestinians know how to laugh, especially at themselves. But I also confirmed something else I always suspected to be true… Being Palestinian is contagious.

I met a few couples at the … Continue Reading

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Islam is BAD… Or Is It?

On June 8, I wrote a column entitled “The Arab Spring & Big, Bad, Scary Muslims” about the depiction of Muslims in academia and media, citing the recent cover of “The Atlantic.” The truth is that I could write each and every day about the unfair depictions of Muslims and Arabs in the news, films, books, and by political pundits. But I’ll do my best to just do it two weeks in a row.

This … Continue Reading

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The Arab Spring & Big, Bad, Scary Muslims

Yes, that was the cover of the most recent edition of The Atlantic, one of America’s foremost magazines on foreign affairs, politics and culture. At first, I wondered why this magazine would be advertising a Kung-Fu movie. After reading the headline, I quickly realized that it was referring to a different kind of ninja… a much scarier kind… the Muslim kind.

I came across this edition of the magazine while perusing through Borders. I … Continue Reading

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We Can’t Split the Baby in Half

The Israeli-Palestinian marriage is reaching a monumental tipping point. With a right-wing Israeli government that has basically told the world it does not want to see any sort of Palestinian state, and a Palestinian leadership bent on declaring a non-effectual state in September, we are at a point where fate might just have to kick in.

I make no mistake in referring to the Israelis and the Palestinians as participants in a disastrous marriage. It … Continue Reading

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Bibi, Barack, & Recognition

As a Palestinian-American, I have spent the last week glued to my television set. The Palestinian-Israeli saga has been in headlines daily. After over 60 years, even tornadoes, floods and volcanoes can’t stop us. It seems that God is trying his best to rip us from the headlines, but it’s not working.

Presidential policy outlines, speeches to AIPAC, and an address to Congress by the Israeli Prime Minister are like crack to me. I’ve been … Continue Reading

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May 15, and We’re Still Surviving…

It’s May 15. Israeli Independence Day. Nakba Day. Israelis “celebrate” this day. We Palestinians “commemorate” it. “Celebrate” and “commemorate” mean entirely different things. As Americans, we “celebrate” July 4. We “commemorate” September 11.

Without getting into too much detail (which, I’ll tell you, is painfully difficult for a Palestinian), May 15, 1948 marked the creation of the Israeli state. It also marked the commencement of the world’s longest-running policy of ethnic cleansing. The state of Israel … Continue Reading

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Israel’s New Sarah…

A few weeks ago, I returned from a month-long trip in Palestine, where I performed some comedy shows, ate too much hummus (yes, that’s possible), and witnessed the general ridiculousness of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.  As it turns out, however, I was not the famous American in the region at the time.  Sarah Palin was also visiting the Holy Land.  I’m not sure whether she was there to see me or to see Jesus, but either … Continue Reading

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Obama, Osama, & Me

Osama bin Laden is gone…  finally.  His death will save lives.  It will also change lives around the world.

America is gasping a collective sigh of relief.  Bin Laden was that gum you can’t get off the bottom of your shoe, that bit of sand you can never get rid of after a walk on the beach, that pesky terrorist we just can’t find.

Well, we found him, and now he’s dead.  It’s good… right?  … Continue Reading

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Talking to Terry Jones

Today, Pastor Terry Jones of Florida tried to burn a Quran in Dearborn, Michigan. Dearborn is home to the most concentrated Arab-American community outside of the Middle East.  So, at best, he’s an idiot… at worst, he’s simply insane.

To tell you the truth, I could care less that he tried to burn a Quran (A jury in Dearborn ultimately decided that his “protest” would be a threat to public safety). He deserves no attention … Continue Reading

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Gaza…

It was two years ago that Israel was completing its invasion into Gaza. Over 1400 Palestinians were killed, over half of them civilians. In most other parts of the world, anniversaries are something to celebrate. Not in Gaza. Israel finally withdrew, after deciding that further incursions would be politically disastrous. They always seem to know just how much they can get away with.

Palestinians, and many human rights groups, decried the invasion as too heavy-handed, … Continue Reading

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Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, & the Palestinians

One of the perils in writing about the Palestine/Israel question is that one can sometimes be misunderstood. There are so many nuances that when one writes in a fashion outside the normal lines of the debate, he might receive the same criticism and praise from all sides.

Last week, I wrote a satirical column about how we Palestinians could rediscover our lost “Jewishness” and become citizens of Israel. I also claimed that Santa Claus wasn’t … Continue Reading

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My Christmas Gift to Israel

For Palestinians, Christmas is very special. We’re related to Jesus. My family is from Nazareth, and I’m pretty sure they’re direct descendants of some of Mary’s cousins. Wait, that means if you go back far enough, I’m a Jew. Man, that really confuses the anti-Semitic side of me. But I’m adding it to my résumé anyway. That should help me at the border next time I visit.

Actually, my dad’s side of the family came … Continue Reading

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Oh, Helen, Behave…

Helen, don’t you know that you can’t say the Jews should get the hell out of Palestine?  Don’t you know it’s not even called Palestine? Don’t you know that there never was a Palestine?

C’mon, Helen…

Don’t you know you can’t talk about the extreme bias in American media in favor of Israel?  Don’t you know there is no bias?  Don’t you know that Israel shares our American values?

Helen, seriously…

Don’t you know you … Continue Reading

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An Arab Thanksgiving

As an Arab-American, Thanksgiving is an especially wonderful holiday.  I have even more things to be thankful for than the average non-Arab-American.

America is the place where my parents came and found a new life after becoming Palestinian refugees.  My father was exiled from Palestine at the age of one month, and my mother was exiled from Palestine as a young teenager.  My father, after being raised and getting a college education in Jordan, came … Continue Reading

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A Letter to My Ex-Girlfriend

Have you lost your mind?  Seriously, when we first met, I thought you were the one I had been waiting for my whole life.  Now, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I let you into my life… I shared everything I had with you.  You had nothing.  Everything that was mine helped you make you who you are today. Oh, how we forget so easily.  You’ve let others come between us.  I know I … Continue Reading

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