White? Arab? Help!

When Aladdin came out, I was a teenager.  I thought it was awesome.  Finally, Disney made a movie about us.  There was Aladdin, our hero, a cute little Arab guy… a fez-wearing, ballad-singing, fair-skinned, bare-chested young man, who jumps around town with an adorable pet monkey. Then there was Jafar, the big bad wicked villain… an olive-skinned, full-bearded, turban-wearing, tall, skinny man with a hook nose, mysterious accent, evil parrot, and a plan to take … Continue Reading

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Obama: Publicly Christian

There are a few things I know about Barack Obama. I know that he was born in Hawaii. I know that his father was Kenyan, and that his mother was white. I know he graduated from Harvard Law School. I think he’s a Christian. I don’t know for sure. I mean, who does really, and what would it mean? Barack Obama can say he’s a Christian… so did Hitler, George W. Bush, and all those … Continue Reading

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The Great Democracy of Israel

Israel attacked (not surrounded, not redirected… attacked) a ship bringing supplies to Gaza, which has been blockaded by Israel for 3 years now. Why did Israel blockade Gaza? Because it was unhappy with the democratic decision of its people to elect Hamas to power.

Israel, the only democracy in the Middle East.

Israel arrested two Palestinians, who are Israeli citizens by the way, Omar Said and Ameer Makhoul, and proceeded to accuse them of spying … Continue Reading

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A Letter to Rima Fakih

Dear Rima,

I’d like to give you my number, but that would be way too forward and Arab of me. So I won’t.

Congratulations. We are proud of you. Arab-Americans are very excited about your win. We had viewing parties. We all started calling and texting each other as soon as you won. I was at an after-party for a comedy show I did last night. All the attention was on me. Then my phone … Continue Reading

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Faisal Can Denounce Himself

Invariably, a crazy Muslim or Arab does something crazy every now and then. We have our share of crazies like everyone else. And just as invariably, Arab-American and Muslim-American organizations rush to “denounce” those crazy acts. This is nothing new for these groups. It has become common practice for these groups to “apologize” every time an Arab or Muslim does something crazy or stupid. Whether it’s Faisal Shahzad (the Times Square guy), the guys from … Continue Reading

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Why Barack Isn’t Getting My Census Form

On the 2010 Census form, as on almost every other form that asks one to identify his race, there is no box for “Arab-American.” Now, we all know race doesn’t really mean race in any biological or anthropological sense. If it did, there would only be 3 boxes: White, Yellow, and Black. Then, Latinos would be white, but we all know they’re not. In America, when one is asked to define his race, he is … Continue Reading

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Is Israel “Irreplaceable”?

Something funny is happening in Israel. There’s trouble in paradise.

Last week, on March 10, CNN ran a front-page story on the death of Rachel Corrie. Rachel was killed seven years ago when an Israeli bulldozer crushed her to death while she was protesting the destruction of Palestinian homes in Gaza. Her parents have finally gotten their day in court, as they have sued the Israel’s Defense Ministry in connection with their daughter’s death. CNN’s … Continue Reading

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When A Palestinian Comedian Goes Too Far

Less than a week ago, I was performing at a private party for about 75 Arab-Americans in the suburbs of Detroit. The setting was a restaurant where one half was reserved for this private party while the other half still had regular customers. The side with regular customers was within earshot of my routine.

About 3-4 minutes into my act, I told the following joke, which I have told dozens of times before:

Sometimes I

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An Open Letter to Jon Stewart

Jon, I’ve been watching you

First, thank you for airing the interview you conducted with Mustafa Barghouti and Anna Baltzer.  I’m sure your staff received thousands of letters from Arab-Americans thanking you for airing that piece.  I’m also sure you received many letters from viewers chastising you “allowing” such voices on the air.  You might wonder why we were so jubilant that something like that got on TV.  Well, it’s because nothing like that ever … Continue Reading

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