Comedian | Professor | Writer
(& Smartest) Arab
New York, its time to talk baseball. It’s the World Series. It’s the bottom of the ninth inning and the bases loaded. Who do you put in the batter box? Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) or Derek Jeter (The Captain)?
If you chose A-rod, then vote for Madam Secretary, because as great as A-rod’s record is, with his gazillion dollars, the only World Series he’s won was in 2009, and it was no thanks to him. When it matters, A-Rod’s .365 batting average drops to a measly .161.
Baseball is the only job in the world where so long as you do what you were hired to do a third of the time, your considered a Hall of Famer. Unless you’re Hillary Clinton of course. Somehow she’s touted as a Hall of Famer and her record isn’t even as good as A-Rod’s. Unless, of course, we are talking about her “flip-flopping.” (Quite ironic that Secretary Kerry – the original “flip-flopper” – is her successor.) Let’s check out Secretary Clinton’s batting record (a.k.a. her voting record) in New York.
In 2001, she
In 2001, she voted in favor of “No Child Left Behind,” and thought tying standardized testing to funding was a fabulous idea, until 2015 when she decided to run for president. Did President Michael Mulgrew of the NY Teacher’s Union forget she threw teachers under the school bus, or was he driving it? STRIKE! And a FOUL for Mr. Mulgrew!
In 2002, she supported the war in Iraq and now she states it was a “mistake.” Her mistake cost the lives of approximately 240,000 individuals, including 191 New Yorkers who served in the US military. Quite a hefty price for a “mistake,” don’t ya’ think? STRIKE!
In 2002, she made it public to her New York constituents that she believed marriage was between a man and a woman. As first lady, in 1996 she supported the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Now she’s all for marriage equality. In 2007, she announced her about-face on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. STRIKE!
In 2003, she was strongly opposed to closing Guantanamo. Further, she has done NOTHING about the practices that violate the civil liberties of terror suspects held in New York’s Federal Prisons. In 2013, she began advocating for the closure of Guantanamo. 2013 was also the year she began sniffing out her prospects for the next presidential election. STRIKE!
Between 2010 and 2013, as Secretary of State, she advocated for the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) over 40 times. The TPP would expand NAFTA, which she has supported since 1994 and is responsible for the loss of over 500,000 New York jobs and shrinking paychecks for those who still work. She came out against it after Senator Sanders called her on it in an early Democratic debate. STRIKE!
As recently as 2014, even after New Yorkers Against Fracking wrote a letter in 2013 directly to Secretary Clinton urging a ban against fracking, she supported the practice. As Secretary of State, she promoted fracking all over the world, practically campaigning for it in Bulgaria and Europe. Only after she was challenged in a debate with Senator Sanders on the issue, did the “mother fracker” change her mind. Again! STRIKE!
In that same year, New Yorkers Against Fracking also urged Secretary Clinton not to support the Constitution Pipeline being built in Albany, New York. I wouldn’t hold my breath. In 2010, she said she was “inclined” to vote for the Keystone Pipeline because as she puts it, “”we’re either going to be dependent on dirty oil from the Gulf, or dirty oil from Canada.” Great attitude! In September of 2015, she decided to reverse her previous position on the Keystone Pipeline. STRIKE!
In 2014, The New York Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty was unconstitutional. Guess who voted consistently in favor of the death penalty? You guessed it! Secretary Clinton has been a staunch proponent of the death penalty. STRIKE!
So, much like A-Rod, Madame Secretary is “A-dud.” If the above nine policies were a baseball game, she struck out in ALL nine innings. There is nothing “New York” about the former secretary. She knows it, and if she doubted it, Saturday Night Live solidified her desperation in their latest Clinton skit.
Hillary, “You’re out!”
So, to my Arab American friends (and everyone else too) in New York, this is your friendly reminder to vote for the native New Yorker, not the wannabe who lived in Chappaqua for a hot minute and desperately wants to prove to you that she’s one of you. Remind her that though Derek Jeter was often left in A-Rod’s shadow, his consistency, his dedication to his fans, and his ability to be a team player is what made him a great leader. It’s what made him “The Captain.” #FeelTheBern