Comedian | Professor | Writer
(& Smartest) Arab
I let you into my life… I shared everything I had with you. You had nothing. Everything that was mine helped you make you who you are today. Oh, how we forget so easily. You’ve let others come between us. I know I never had any money, but you didn’t have to go shack up with the richest guy around the first chance you got.
I’ve tried everything, letting you have more than you could’ve ever hoped for. I let you into my heart. You learned my deepest secrets, and then you used them all against me. How dare you?! How could I have been so stupid?
Yes, we fought a lot. Sometimes, it was my fault. Sometimes, it was yours. But you go around telling everyone you’re always the victim, that I was the one “terrorizing” you. What a liar! How many times have I let you humiliate me around other people? Yet I kept telling everyone we were going to work everything out. Boy, was I wrong.
I’m the only one who has made any sacrifices for this relationship. Remember when I let your cousins come over and stay in the house? They still haven’t left.
I go around telling everyone I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. You pretend like I don’t even exist.
We’ve tried to reconcile many times. I even agreed to things I knew were bad for me, just to see if it would work out. I’ve never known how to say no to you. You’ve had a hold on me. But no more! I’m moving on.
From now on, I don’t want anything to do with you. And by the way, I got your letter saying that you wanted me to profess my love for you in front of everyone. What nerve! When you start admitting that you did me wrong, then we’ll talk about that kind of stuff.
But I’ll tell you something right now. You may try to forget about us, but you won’t be able to. You can keep lying to yourself and everyone else, but it will catch up to you. You can try to get me out of your heart, but it will never work. I will always be a part of you. The things you did to me won’t just disappear. Life doesn’t work like that. One day you’ll finally realize that you’re better off with me in your life.
For now, though, we have to go our separate ways. Maybe you’ll grow up a little bit. Maybe we can get back together one day. If we don’t end up together, I hope you at least don’t put anyone else through what I had to endure. It just makes me so mad. I see you making all these mistakes, and I’m afraid you won’t realize it until it’s too late and you’re all alone.
But you know what? If that happens, you deserve it. I tried to warn you, just accept me for who I am. Don’t try to change me. I’ll always be the person you fell for: fiery, protective, passionate, and full of love. How could you have not seen it all this time? We could’ve had something special, if you didn’t go and screw it all up.
You’re so full of yourself, thinking you’re so perfect, thinking you never do anything wrong. Take a look in the mirror. All of this is your fault. All you had to do was open your heart… and share a little.
I’ve known, for some time now, that the only future I have is with you. When will you realize it too? Stop denying it.
I totally let you into my life. I let you share everything I had. Before I met you, I was a virgin. I know… it’s hard to believe. Well, you’ll never be getting any of this Palestinian lovin’ ever again. And trust me, you’ll want it!
I can’t believe I introduced you to my family. They told me something wasn’t right, but I wouldn’t listen. My mom even shared her secret family hummus recipe with you, and now you go around telling everyone it’s your own… YOU B#$%H!
Go figure out your problems on your own. We’ll see if you can do it without me! Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Don’t e-mail me. I can’t wait to change my Facebook relationship status. Just stay out of my life!
Screw you, Israel.