Arab-Americans need a box on the US Census Form!
Join the Facebook Page
Follow Amer Zahr

amer@amerzahr.com
America's Funniest
(& Smartest) Arab

Arab Women, Here I Am!
Amer Zahr
by Amer Zahr
October 24th, 2013 (25 Comments)
Share on Facebook185Tweet about this on Twitter4Share on LinkedIn0Share on Google+0Email this to someone

I’ve been on some Arab dating sites (OK, all of them), and I’ve noticed while I’ve messaged many women, none have ever messaged me.  Maybe it’s just because they’re shy, or maybe because they don’t want to seem desperate.  But I wondered what it would be like to receive hundreds of emails from prospective mates, and to have the luxury of combing through them all.  So this is my attempt at that.

I’m a catch.  I know this is true because my mom says so.  I also know it is true because some women have attempted to set me up with their friends, unless I’m being used as some sort of prank or twisted revenge on another woman.  In the hopes that this is not true, I am writing this to try and explain how awesome I am.  I am that trophy you ladies can put on your mantle.

Here’s a little bit about me.  I’m 36, single, never married.  I have a bachelor’s degree in History, a master’s degree in Middle East Studies, and a law degree.  I work as a comedian though.  Don’t ask me, “Why would you go to school for all that time and not use your degrees?”  People pay me to make them laugh.  It’s a pretty good life.  It’s not always guaranteed, but it’s an adventure.  And isn’t that why we’re all here? But you can tell your dad I'm a lawyer.

And sorry white girls, I’m only looking for an Arab woman.  So if your name is Brittany, you can probably stop reading now.

While I have dated some non-Arab women in the past, I have come to the realization that I cannot be with a non-Arab woman.  I just can’t spend the rest of my life explaining myself to anyone.  We have a certain kind of psychosis that no one else could ever understand.  I can’t waste time explaining why I yell at the news, or why I’m addicted to watching it all the time.  Or why I fight over the bill.  Or why we dance in circles, and why it’s OK to hold a guy’s hand.  Or why I was glued to the Oscars this year.  Or why I call people “cousin” who are not actually my real cousin.  Or why I have hundreds of real cousins.  Or why I eat dinner, then take a break, then eat dinner again.

So not only would I love to be with an Arab woman, I kind of have to be.  But dating Arab women is difficult.  It seems that many are afraid to put themselves out there for fear of what our community might think of them.  And many others have some sort of idea of what their “prince charming” is supposed to look like, and what kind of job he should have, and what kind of car he should drive.

But some of the most successful relationships include women who say, “You know, when I first met him, I wasn’t attracted to him, and I never thought I would end up with him.”  It’s OK ladies, I’m willing to be that guy.

Still some Arab women are afraid to go out on a date because they are worried of what “dating” means in the American sense.  I have asked out many Arab women who have immediately told me, “You know I’m not going to sleep with you, right?”  My only response to that is, “Ever?  I understand if you mean you’re not going to sleep with me after the first date.  But if you mean ‘never,’ then we might have a problem.”

Yes, white people, our traditions are strong.  Our women are told not to have sex until they get married.  And they take it seriously.  In fact, some even don’t even have sex after they get married.  That is true cultural dedication.

I am staunchly Palestinian.  I would call off sick from work to go to a demonstration.  I know the names of random Palestinian towns and cities, especially the ones that don’t exist anymore.  I wake up every morning with a little hole in my heart, because something is missing.  My grandmother’s stories ring in my ears.  I point out Jews whenever they’re on TV.  All of my pin numbers are either “1948” or “1967”.  Whenever I travel to Palestine, right before the plane lands, I get butterflies in my stomach, like I'm about to see my first love… because I am.

The woman I’m looking for does not need to “be” Palestinian, but she does need to be “Palestinian.”

Of course, I, like any other man, like certain physical characteristics in a woman.  I’m looking for a woman who has the persistence to actually find out what I wrote here.  If you went through the steps to actually decipher everything that was under this redacted text, then you might be the girl for me.

Now I will admit marriage does freak me out a little bit.  But it’s not for lack of an example.  My parents have been lovebirds for almost 40 years.  They go everywhere with each other.  He is her best friend, and she is his.  I can see all the positive traits of a happy marriage.  It’s just the “forever” thing.  Is there really any sort of agreement you would enter into for a time period of “forever”?  But my parents have shown me enough to prove that if you do find the right person, there’s nothing more beautiful.

And while we’re talking about my parents, as I have noted many times here, my dad is Christian and my mom is Muslim.  Despite what you think, that makes me the perfect man for any kind of Arab woman.  I have experience celebrating all the holidays.  I know that whether it is Christmas or Eid, the appropriate gifts are cologne, socks, sweaters, and cash.

So, here I am.  Many Arab women want the man of their dreams, but they’re afraid to give some of us a chance.  Well, ladies, if you want the trophy, you have to run the race.

Share on Facebook185Tweet about this on Twitter4Share on LinkedIn0Share on Google+0Email this to someone
*

Amer Zahr is a Palestinian American comedian, writer, professor and speaker living in Dearborn, Michigan. He is also the editor of “The Civil Arab.”

Comments (25)
  1. Hi Amer….You know there is always an exception to every rule….I am the one who asked for my husbands hand in marriage. Definitely does not fit your description of the typical Arab female characteristics:)

  2. If you’re willing to move to Alaska, send me an email. It’s challenging to be a single, Muslim Palestinian woman in the 49th state.

  3. Imad Attallah ... October 24th, 2013 - 19:41

    Well,Amer. we all had to go through what u are going through. Women here are different in the U.S, I am sure u know that. I have tried so many times to get married to an Arab but I always failed for whatever reason. I am now married to an African American and I can honostly tell u that I am happy. I wish I had an answe for what u are going through exept that it doesn’t make sense. You are a good man, Amer. good luck.

  4. I am Arab Palestinian woman and I can say this, Arab women are stuck up here in the U.S. you might have to go Palestinian and get a girl.

    • I was thinking about going to get a girl form the village… But I want the one who never left the house, so when I bring her to America she is impressed by the electricity and hot water…

  5. Amer, I understand your frustration with trying to meet a fellow Arab. As a 33 yr. old female Arab (talk about way passed her prime!) trying to meet “Mr.Right…not Mr.Perfect, just Mr.Right,” my numerous FAILED attempts have lead me to the decision of “how many cats I should open up my home to?”

    • At least you’re taking a chance that not many Arab women take… and is that what we men are? Stray cats? lol… Maybe we don’t deserve to be identified better than that…

  6. Ladies, Please check my son out. We desperately need grandchildren, and we can afford it!!

  7. Hey Amer, I got two options for you, one you can wait for my Plan B to go full force, I will be single, but not “new” :D and tell Abou Amer, I have 4 beautiful grandchildren already in the bag, talk about one stop shop!! lol, Okay but seriously even if plan B worked for me, we learn from mistakes not repeat them!! lol

    Now I do have a friend single and ready to mingle, fits exactly what your looking for. So if your serious, hit me up so I can play matchmaker!

    P.S. Love your work, More power to you!

  8. Hey Amer, I liked your blog. I am a Christian, Palestinian woman. I was born in the states, yet was raised with all the arabic culture one woman have. I live in Florida and have many Certifications and Degrees myself but my true dream is comedy. I love to make people laugh and I’d love to find someone that will make me laugh. That is actually what led me here. My aunt read your blog and thought you were charming and she wrote me to check out your article. Check out my website above when you have a chance. I JUST started it, so give it a chance. But in the “Lifes a bitch” section I have a couple funny dating stories on there you may like. My cousins think they are hilarious :) Still a work in progress. Hope you like it.

    Sumer

  9. Oh and i thought something was wrong with my screen until I highlighted the black part lol!

  10. nehal altarhuni ... November 7th, 2013 - 08:03

    Lol & Good luck Amer!

  11. I’m not Palestinian. I’m a wannabe Palestinian.

  12. “I’m a catch. I know this is true because my mom says so.”

    This was hilarious!

    القرد في عين أمه غزال

  13. Haha! ‘ you can tell your dad I’m a lawyer’ Love it. Good luck Amer!

  14. Maybe Arab guys need to humble down a tad. I love Arab guys as I’ve been living with them and around them all my life, but you guys are arrogant and cocky. Not only that, but also you’re all so complex and have contradicted thoughts and expectations in relationships.
    You seem like a nice guy, I hope you find what you’re looking for. I’m just saying, perhaps it’s you men who need to know that WE are here! And should learn how to really appreciate and respect us.

  15. I am still laughing.

    Ladies, Abu Amer means it…they can afford it…they’ll even throw in a car…they have a few of them in the driveway.

    Keep on writing Ammo.

  16. Can you email me? I can give you a brief bio about myself through there.

  17. danmarpol ... May 1st, 2014 - 19:34

    Your site is interesting =)

  18. Funny…palestinian living in the Caribbean

  19. I Was born in New York raised in florida i never had a girlfriend before but i was set up to get married a girl in Jordan it didnt work at all i didnt Like it From the start i enjoy smiling laughing She didnt Like That at all about me and She didnt Like the fact That i wouldnt Kiss Or Touch Her i told Her because i dont Love Her So i cant do nothing there was no feelings just married but no Love Then i finally hot divorce Now im just waiting for god to send me the right girl

  20. Actually where I come from we have one of the highest populations of Arabs in the USA. Many, many, many Arab women here have premarital s*x. I know this from girl friends, guy friends, family of friends, and my overall experience in the Arab community. Granted, many of them like to ‘act’ like they’re more pious and modest, being native born Arab and/or Muslim girls, but some of them take it in the back door thinking this bypasses the expectation of celibacy before marriage (and is obviously not in the spirit of Islam). Um, where in the Quran does it say that s*x before marriage is ok if you’re taking it up the a**? I must have missed that I chapter. Frankly, most of them here will just spread their legs and have any regular s*x before marriage anyway. No, Arabs don’t practice premarital less, the Arab community just likes to pretend they do.

    And it’s not just here. My husband is from a conservative Muslim country, born and raised, and he knows more men and women than I can even be bothered to count who have premarital sex, send nude pictures around, and do all the things any sexually adventurous Westerner might do.


Leave a comment

Trackbacks are disabled.

Archive